This Mother’s Day…

is almost over and as sad as I am to say it, I’m relieved. I’m relieved we’re back from vacation, back from being away from our little girl for a whole week, relieved to be going back into normal life and relieved Mother’s Day has (just about… 3 hrs to go) come and gone. I’ve hit a road block in my grieving process and knowing that this day was right around the corner wasn’t helping any.

Having Lucy has brought me the greatest joy and being a mother is my most important role, so of course I appreciate a day celebrating moms. Any recognition we can get is welcome πŸ™‚ And more than that, I love that it’s a day to spoil and love on my own mom; she’s so deserving and so under appreciated. Typically Mother’s Day is a wonderful day, and this time last year I was embracing every bit of it and taking advantage of all the day had to offer to a new mama.

This year is different. This year it’s a reminder that I’m a mom to 2 babies, one of which isn’t with me. The feeling of loss is always present but I’m mostly able to compose myself because life is busy and Lucy keeps me on my toes. On a day like today though where I’m inundated with Happy Mother’s Day posts (as it should be), it’s so much harder to keep the smile on. What upsets me is most of my social media world (is that a thing??) doesn’t even know this second little one existed, or the sort of pain Geo and I recently endured. Sure I write about it here but very few people read this little blog, and those that do don’t even know who I am (for the most part).

I want people to know about this baby of ours, and that he or she is forever a part of our family but there are two things that keep stopping me from sharing about it on social media, they are: 1. I don’t want people to feel pity for us and 2. It feels too sacred to share. It’s such a personal and meaningful experience in our lives, it was our baby, and simply “posting” about it just doesn’t feel right, or at least not right now. I want people to know about this baby of ours, this perfect little human, but I suppose I’m just not ready yet.

Anyways, it’s been a long day and I’m just so happy I’m a mom. It’s the greatest gift I’ve been given in my life and although the pain of our recent loss is feeling very heavy right now, I also know I’m very lucky to have a healthy baby girl in the room next door. Feeling for all those mamas who don’t.

Grateful: For the toothy grins and belly laughs Lucy was full of today πŸ™‚

Advertisements

Finally Getting Around…

to posting about our trip to Norway, my favorite of all our European getaways this past fall. It was our last trip before we headed home to the states and it was the perfect way to end our European adventure. After a few not-so-smooth getaways, we were thrilled to finally experience an almost hiccup-free weekend!

We flew out of London (I think it was Gatwick airport?) on Friday morning and arrived early afternoon; giving us plenty of time to find our Airbnb and explore the wonderful coastal city of Bergen. Whenever anyone asks how our trip to Norway was I start out by saying, “as soon as we started to descend and saw the scattering of quaint islands, we both knew we were going to love Norway” and it’s true – we really did!

It was foggy and drizzly as we cabbed it to our apartment for the weekend, but it didn’t hide the beauty of the landscape. Our cab driver went on and on about how this time of year was REALLY not a good time to travel to the country because of the weather, to the point where Geo and I were exchanging looks, saying to ourselves “dude, we get it but we’re here and there’s no going back… its our SECOND time buying flights to Bergen!” (yes, the first time we tried to go we missed our flight – #travelfail). Even with him being somewhat negative we were looking out our windows already so excited with what we were seeing.

Our Airbnb was perfectly cozy and centrally located. Once we got settled we bundled Lucy up and headed out to explore.

After an afternoon out and about we went back to the apartment and tried to get to bed early to prepare for Saturday’s Norway in A Nutshell adventure! (Note: that night was not so great, Lucy was fussy and sick meaning Geo and I maybe got a whole of 4 hours of sleep? It wasn’t pretty.).

Our tour started at 8 am so we were up and out of the apartment by 7:15 am to give us plenty of time to get to the train, the first leg of the trip. We were tired but also in awe of what we were seeing. The fog was heavy in some areas but parting in others and everywhere we looked, from the land to the water was just beautiful. The scenery is very drastic, going from serene and flat to mountainous and rocky, quickly and seamlessly. Geo and I kept looking from left and right on the train – we didn’t know which side to sit on because there was so much to see on both! Once we were off the train we hopped on a bus, which took us to the boat that cruised through theΒ Aurlandsfjord fjord πŸ™‚

I’ll say this, throughout the entire day we kept pinching ourselves saying “is this real?!” because it just felt that majestic, and I’ve been lucky enough to do quite a bit of traveling, BUT by the time we were half way through the cruise I was getting pretty tired… I may have closed my eyes for a few minutes! The reality of traveling with a baby is it’s freaking exhausting and both Geo and I were feeling the affects.

Once off the boat, and yes, the fjord was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before, the one word that comes to mind is peaceful. The experience was quiet, serene and very calming – which may have had something to do with my sleepiness!

We got off the boat in Flam which is where we then got onto the Flam railroad, another wonderfully scenic route that started our journey back to Bergen. And yep, once in Flam we all of a sudden felt like we were in the Arctic! Snow covered peaks everywhere we looked.

We got back to Bergen a little after 6 pm that night… Β nearly 12 hours out and about with a 8 month old – I’d be lying if I said we weren’t thrilled to get home and put her to bed. But we also looked back on the day and thought “wow, that was amazing.” We both realized that day tours like that are tiring but they are the best way travel when you’re visiting someplace for a short amount of time. Too often we spent our weekend trips walking from place to place wondering what we should do next. Never. again. lol

The next morning, we strolled through the very quiet city (hardly anything was open at 8 am and the streets were empty. haha clearly not a lot of young families living in Bergen!). We found a statue of Haakon IV, a Norwegian King who my great-grandfather was named after. So, obviously we had to snag a photo of me with it πŸ™‚

ewt_0605

There is something about this country that everyone should experience, its hard to explain but its there and I promise, you won’t regret it. Geo and I plan on going back someday and can’t wait to explore it more πŸ™‚

Some Things That Aren’t…

perfect.

  1. The way the Patriots are currently playing in the Superbowl right now… I decided to make a run for it in the 4th quarter :/ Hiding out in our bedroom and avoiding a very frustrated husband. Maybe by the time I publish this post things will have turned around…
  2. The way I look/feel in my clothes right now. I’m a solid 5 pounds overweight, and another 5 pounds heavier than I’d ideally like to be… so yea, in total I’ve got 10 pounds to lose and not a whole lot of self motivation to do that.
  3. My current work/life balance. These last couple months have been rough and although I’m grateful that my company is doing well, I’m also always nervous about losing a client, losing track of something project related and/or losing my mind along the way πŸ™‚ This working mom thing is not easy, and some days are definitely better than others.
  4. Finding time to do the things I want to do is not an easy endeavor. When I do have a moment to myself most of me wants to take the time to get stuff done (bills, cooking, cleaning, etc.) or hop on the couch and just sink in. So all those little side projects I’ve been meaning to do, magazines I’ve been wanting to read or friends I’ve been wanting to catch up with get pushed to the wayside.
  5. My mom and wife skills… not always perfect. Whoops! Sometimes I fail, like today when I didn’t notice right away that my 11 months old was sucking on RAW cookie dough while in her carseat. #momfail Or the other day when I was looking forward to Geo’s arrival all day and then immediately snapped at him over something stupid. #wifefail

Some Things That Are…

perfect.

  1. Lucy and her love for her LOVEY. It is the most adorable thing and totally melts my heart when she snuggles into it and loves it πŸ™‚
  2. Having my parents living just a few streets away, and my in-laws just a town away. Their support, love and thoughtfulness is such a blessing and I’m truly grateful for it every day.
  3. My bed. It really is my happy place.
  4. Our road trips! When Geo and I are stuck in the car together for hours on end, it always ends up being fun and great time for us to reconnect/be reminded that yes, we’ve got a lot going on but our relationship is priority.
  5. Having food prepped for the week. This is a perfect feeling for me πŸ™‚ #happiness

Life is not perfect but there are parts that surely are!

Grateful: For bad, mindless mystery books. Especially Harlan Coben ones… its a good way to end a long day πŸ™‚

When You Haven’t…

blogged in a while and the thought of writing a post makes you cringe. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’ve been wanting to hop back into it but then I’m so overwhelmed because I don’t know where to start! Do I write about why I’ve been so quiet this last month, or do I just skip over that and go right into Part 2 of Lucy’s birth story (something I really do want to do), OR do I finally write that post about our trip to Norway?

And then I think about why I blog and that overwhelms me too! Do I blog because I enjoy making note of my memories/feelings, or do I blog to work towards something? For a while I thought I’d visit local shops/restaurants and review them on how “family-friendly” they are – I thought that’d be a fun thing to do that other moms might find helpful, but now (to be honest) that feels like a bigger undertaking than I thought it’d be (but maybe I’m overthinking it?) – HA, after typing that word “overthinking,” I’m realizing I’m overthinking EVERYTHING.

I keep up this little blog because I find it to be relaxing, fun and therapeutic. It’s one of my favorite ways to end the day. A place to share mom/boss/wife/sister/daughter/friend/lady moments I’ve had throughout the day, and a place for me to look back on the last 5 years of my life and clearly see how it is I’ve gotten to where I am. This is basically an online diary and I need to remember that it can be whatever I want it to be πŸ™‚

So with that said, I thought I’d just share what my favorite part of today was…

when Lucy caught me hanging out in her teepee! πŸ˜€

screen-shot-2017-01-29-at-10-11-14-pm

 

Why Is It That…

everything can be thrown to complete shit but as long as I’ve done a load of laundry I feel like I’ve had a successful day?

There is literally no better feeling than putting a load of laundry into the washer… pure happiness.

And yes, this is truly what my hair has looked like all afternoon. Thank god for my non-judging neighbor and for a daughter who’s not old enough to roll her eyes at me (yet!).

screen-shot-2017-01-04-at-10-02-14-pm

One other thing I need to make note of is… George is watching The Bachelor with me! Yep. It’s happening and it totally made my day (that and getting some laundry done :p). Today was a busy, tiring and stressful day for me but it was really nice to end it watching stupid tv with Geo and being silly – I’m thinking we need more of these nights!

Grateful for: A quiet and sweet moment with Lucy this morning. Early day snuggles are the best!

Getting Excited…

to head back to the states πŸ™‚ Our flights are booked and we’re getting ready to start packing things up! I know I will miss London (a lot) and we’ll probably go through a withdrawal period but I just can’t wait to be home for the holidays, to be near friends and family and to be back in our home (which I’m planning on repainting over the winter months πŸ˜€ he he he). I also really can’t wait for Lucy to be back in her nursery, a room that I worked on so hard during my pregnancy and we’ve barely gotten to enjoy. London is a wonderful city but Scituate is our home and we’re ready to get back.

I think our excitement to travel back home also has a lot to do with the fact that we just bid farewell to our last visitors – Cullen (my brother) and Julie (his wife). We had such a nice time with them and managed to cram in A LOT (thank you Lucy for being such a good baby through it all!). From the V&A, to Greenwich, to Chartwell, to the play, “The Woman in Black” – we did not waste a minute. We also made it over to the Natural History Museum which is really amazing. Before you even get inside you’re in awe because of the building itself…

nhm

However, something I was not in awe of and was actually a bit pissed with was their main floor handicapped/family bathroom. Not trying to be too nitpicky here but I’m starting to get so frustrated with the lack of parent-friendly bathrooms there are.

Lucy really needed a diaper change so I headed off in search of a bathroom for us. After finally finding it (I found the directions to be a little confusing :/) I realized it was a handicapped bathroom inside of a changing station. We go to open the door and that’s when my first frustration with it kicks in. It’s this big heavy oakwood door that’s beautiful but when you’re trying to get a stroller through that’s loaded with a diaper bag, coats, oh and a baby – it’s not ideal. I was annoyed for myself but even more concerned with how a handicapped person would manage.

I walked directly into the changing room area that was very basic – had countertops with a couple changing stations. Could use a bit of brightening or a touch of warmth I’d say but I don’t want to be too fussy here. What I had a real problem with was the bathroom. While changing Lucy I realized I needed to pee. So I opened the door tho the handicapped facility and was instantly shocked. I’m honestly not being dramatic when I say it looked like something you’d see in a prison (I assume since I’ve never been to one lol). It was dirty, smelly, old and literally had two flies buzzing around the toilet bowl. It was so gross that I took a photo of it, although the picture really doesn’t do it justice.

bathroom

I think this bothered me so much (enough to blog about it!), is because this is a VERY family oriented museum. They should have their baby changing areas and handicapped bathrooms ready to go and it felt extremely half assed. And not to sound self involved but parent’s deserve better, and those with special needs definitely deserve better. Maybe the museum was just having an off day and maybe I was just tired from lugging a baby around the city but opening that bathroom door (barely managing to open it I should say) felt like a mini slap in the face. I remember thinking “great. this will be fun. gross.ugh.” And one final point I’ll make about this is that this isn’t an isolated experience. Yesterday I had to change Lucy on the ground in a restaurant bathroom. It’s just annoying! haha Public places, please get your shit together. In order to stay in business you need people and that only happens when people have babies!

Okay, rant over.

In other news I’m heading to the BabyccinoΒ Shop Up Event in London today and can’t wait! Something tells me their bathroom situation will be spot on πŸ™‚

Grateful: For moments like this… a sleeping baby during a cab ride. Quietness, holiday lights, nothing to do but sit back and relax, it doesn’t get much better πŸ™‚

cab

Another Missed Flight…

this time to Vienna. After our failed attempt to get to Norway last weekend we were very excited (and VERY prepared) for our trip to Vienna. Bags were packed with plenty of time to spare, passports were OUT of the safe the night before (the reason for our Norway fail) and we headed to the airport 3+ hours ahead of our flight. However, it was on the train to Stansted Airport that Lucy started uncontrollably coughing/crying. It was bad. We were those parents that everyone was staring at wondering “who gave these two a kid?” “did they really think taking a sick baby on a train was a good idea?” “that poor baby, they should just hand her over to me” – even thinking back on it makes me cringe. Little did they know Lucy had been cleared by the doctor to travel and had been a little fussy but mostly fine until we stepped on the train. It didn’t help that I, in an attempt to calm her, tried to give her a baby cookie which she then proceeded to choke on. Another mom win…

Anyways, between lots of “omg wtf is going on” glares between Geo and I during the train ride by the time we got to the airport we knew Vienna wasn’t happening. We got to the airport, gave Lucy a bottle and some medicine and turned right back around. Silver lining of that was we didn’t end up paying for our train ride back. I guess we were both looking for a #win and got a little sneaky about it (Geo did, I just nervously followed his lead).

We got home, ordered turkey from Strut and Cluck because it was Thanksgiving, after all. A holiday our family members were blissfully celebrating while we struggled to not simultaneously have mental breakdowns (we made sure to take turns – for the safety of Lucy of course :p).

Two things I learned during this shit show of a day:

  1. When you had a kid, travel insurance is necessary. No. Brainer. Gah.
  2. A cabbage can be eaten whole and raw. I saw it with my own two eyes while feeding Lucy at the airport. It made me smile with awe and slight disgust, which is exactly what I needed in that moment.

Grateful: That even though we aren’t in Vienna right now we made the right decision to stay home because it turns out Lucy has an ear infection 😦 And we now have a weekend at home with NOTHING to do. Which is not something we’ve had in a long time.