Not Sure…

where to start. For the past three weeks I’ve thought about writing this post yet every time I sit down to write I’m at a loss for what to say.

There’s no delicate way to share that after finding out your unborn baby has a terminal birth defect you and your husband decide, at 13 weeks, to end the pregnancy.

We found out the news about our baby on a Monday and I had the procedure that following Thursday. The time from that first ultrasound to the procedure life just stopped for us. There was nothing else that mattered. The pain was almost unbearable. I don’t know how we would have gotten through it without Lucy. She was what carried us through that week. She was our only source of happiness and hope.

Since the procedure life has gone on. Between running my business, working with my mom to launch a new one and caring for a 1 year old, the hours never seem like enough and I am scurrying throughout the day trying to fit it all in. It’s the nights, when I get into bed and see our baby’s beautiful footprints on my nightstand that I’m reminded I just recently had a baby inside me, one that should still be there but isn’t. It all feels very unfair. For Geo and I, for Lucy, for my loved ones and most of all, for this baby that was so little but already so loved.

I’ve struggled with whether I wanted to share this online or not. I’ve truly gone back and fourth, but what kept bringing me back to this space is my desire to honor this baby. I want people to know I think of myself as a mother of two babies; the one who after a very busy day of practicing walking is peacefully sleeping in her crib, and the baby who I know will always look over that sleeping baby and who someday I’ll get to meet. This baby meant so much to George and I. This baby deserves to be acknowledged and that’s why I’m overlooking my fear of being judged or ridiculed for sharing such personal information because if I don’t, it’s as if it didn’t happen, and it did.

These are just the most perfect little feet I’ve ever seen.

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Our Day Date in London…

was the perfect remedy for a couple who had barely seen each other in two weeks and were in need of some alone time to reconnect and just, have some fun!

Last Saturday, after taking a 7 hr long flight home with an 8 month old, Geo and I spent the morning sleeping, unpacking and eagerly awaiting the arrival of our babysitter, Jenny. I had made the decision earlier in the week that having Jenny come would be a nice way for us to rest, eat out, take a breather and I was right – it allowed us to do all of the above. We had Jenny for 4 hours and spent the first hour sleeping… pure bliss. We then headed out for a mini adventure.

First stop, a photo with my two new besties:

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Next we headed to London’s South Bank in search of a good place to eat. Along the way we couldn’t help but take a few pics like this one:

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We then came across a restaurant called Bill’s, a small chain in London. It was cosy, warm and had a great menu. I ordered a Mint Iced Tea and had NO regrets (might have been the best part of the meal!). Here’s a peak of our visit there:

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I got the veggie platter and between the falafel and spicy hummus I was in heaven.

After indulging in a late lunch we headed to the highlight of the day date, the Clink Prison Museum! Dun dun dunnnn. It was spooky, grotesque and basically everything you’d expect it to be. Next date we’re heading to the National Portrait Museum, probably a little more worthwhile :p

We made a couple friends though! (the sort of friends nightmares are made of… creepy.)

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When we were finally done with the museum we headed back home feeling refreshed, reconnected and just excited to see Miss Lucy. But of course we had to stop to take in the Thames one more time. It’s amazing to me how busy it always it. I wouldn’t say it’s the most beautiful river I’ve ever seen but there’s something magical about all the commotion that seems to take place on it – always moving, always different, always with a backdrop of London. We will certainly miss it.

Geo asked me to pose, so naturally I gave the best Kardashian look I had… #Fail #HowDoIDoPoutyLips?

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Grateful: For this little pipsqueak who finds amusement, wonder and happiness in just about everything (especially my phone!). I hope she holds onto this for a long long time (the wonder, not my phone!).

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How Cool Are We?

We got this whole selfie thing DOWN.

Ha. Someday we’ll be cool. Someday.

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Grateful: For the construction worker who saved the day! Lucy and I went to get coffee this morning only to realize we were locked in the apartment. The keys had been left in the door from the outside (oops!). Geo called down to the man who was on the street and voila, he came up and we were saved!! Phew, close call.

Things around here

So last weekend I finally checked “organize the cabinets” off the to-do list and boy does it feel good. It was one of those things that needed to be done, badly, but I kept putting it off becuase I knew it’d be a huge project and it was, it really was. By the end of it I was exhuasted and maybe even a little grumpy, but mostly I was just relieved. I’m pretty happy with the end result and especially excited about my “go-to” draw that has one of everything that we use on a daily basis. Now rather than going from one drawer/cabinet to the next for those regular, just the two of us meals we can just go to one.

Later in the week I decided it was time to pull out the holiday decor and wow, I did not hold back!

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Lastly, my sister and I came home from dinner to finish our gingerbread house… only we couldn’t because half of it’s roof was mysteriously missing! Mr. Bates, you look rather guilty! πŸ™‚

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It’s hard

It’s hard to stay annoyed with your husband when you’re in bed watching trashy tv, relaxing and you can hear him downstairs on a work call. Mind you, it’s 9:15 at night. It’s late, he’s tired, I’m tired – it’s been a long week.

After a long day of meetings and deadlines, I walked in at 8:30 to see turkey on the counter, dirty dishes in the sink and mail in need of being tossed. I saw that and then I saw my hubby sitting on the couch playing video games. Obviously my reaction was to stamp around the kitchen and make a point of cleaning everything up. Then stomped upstairs without saying anything.

To be honest I’m still annoyed. Haha what, is it too much to ask to put the turkey away when you’re done with it – especially when you know I’m exhausted and umm, 6 months pregnant?? πŸ™‚

BUT I also realize how tired you are. How hard you work for our little family, and how I could have handled the situation differently.

It’s a good thing you’re so cute πŸ™‚

Especially when you’re reading the newspaper before bed…

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Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!

What I saw vs. What was real

So I took these photos out of pure frustration. I was annoyed with how messy our kitchen was and wanted to document the moment to, a. show geo and make him feel partly responsible (bad on me, I know), and b. share with my Β little blogging audience how messy my life can be. I had every intention of sharing the photos and bitching about my how quickly our little home gets dirty.

But then I downloaded them and took a closer look… and that’s when I realized, wow, it’s not really that messy its just LIVED in. Its the remnants of my husband and I eating breakfast together, me baking muffins for the week and us having a LIFE together – that’s all. Life gets messy and thats OKAY. Future self, repeat after me, LIFE gets messy and thats OKAY πŸ™‚

PS. Mini 3D corgis – sign me up! But really, these could be terrific stocking stuffers πŸ™‚ Corgi Love

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I wish

I wish I could view the weekend as a time to relax and “chill,” as Geo would put it. I wish I could embrace it as a time to do things for myself, as my lovely husband recommended earlier today; in fact, to be specific, he said I should go get my nails done and act like a “normal” person. I scoffed and rolled my eyes while already hours into my project for the day: painting the trim in our stairwell/hallways.

But now, as I’m laying in bed and George is in downstairs playing video games, I’m contemplating whether or not I should work on some thank you notes and/or dig into filling out holiday cards. Yes, holiday cards… and it’s got me thinking – am I crazy? It’s 9:30 at night. I’ve baked muffins, cleaned outdoor furniture, helped Geo put that furniture away, made us lunch, worked on laundry, spent hours prepping and then painting trim (which always sucks), dabbled in sorting things out in the nursery, emptied the dishwasher, and if I thought about it I’m sure I could think of more. Yet, I’m in bed considering doing even more. And it’s Saturday.

Tomorrow I will take Geo’s advice and do my best to act like a “normal” person, but tonight I’ll work on those cards and maybe ever work on this week’s to-do list… I am who I am!! πŸ™‚

What do your weekend’s look like? “Crazy” or “Normal”?