love

This Mother’s Day…

~ Aub ~ Leave a comment

is almost over and as sad as I am to say it, I’m relieved. I’m relieved we’re back from vacation, back from being away from our little girl for a whole week, relieved to be going back into normal life and relieved Mother’s Day has (just about… 3 hrs to go) come and gone. I’ve hit a road block in my grieving process and knowing that this day was right around the corner wasn’t helping any.

Having Lucy has brought me the greatest joy and being a mother is my most important role, so of course I appreciate a day celebrating moms. Any recognition we can get is welcome 🙂 And more than that, I love that it’s a day to spoil and love on my own mom; she’s so deserving and so under appreciated. Typically Mother’s Day is a wonderful day, and this time last year I was embracing every bit of it and taking advantage of all the day had to offer to a new mama.

This year is different. This year it’s a reminder that I’m a mom to 2 babies, one of which isn’t with me. The feeling of loss is always present but I’m mostly able to compose myself because life is busy and Lucy keeps me on my toes. On a day like today though where I’m inundated with Happy Mother’s Day posts (as it should be), it’s so much harder to keep the smile on. What upsets me is most of my social media world (is that a thing??) doesn’t even know this second little one existed, or the sort of pain Geo and I recently endured. Sure I write about it here but very few people read this little blog, and those that do don’t even know who I am (for the most part).

I want people to know about this baby of ours, and that he or she is forever a part of our family but there are two things that keep stopping me from sharing about it on social media, they are: 1. I don’t want people to feel pity for us and 2. It feels too sacred to share. It’s such a personal and meaningful experience in our lives, it was our baby, and simply “posting” about it just doesn’t feel right, or at least not right now. I want people to know about this baby of ours, this perfect little human, but I suppose I’m just not ready yet.

Anyways, it’s been a long day and I’m just so happy I’m a mom. It’s the greatest gift I’ve been given in my life and although the pain of our recent loss is feeling very heavy right now, I also know I’m very lucky to have a healthy baby girl in the room next door. Feeling for all those mamas who don’t.

Grateful: For the toothy grins and belly laughs Lucy was full of today 🙂

Advertisement

Lucy’s Birth Story (Part 2)…

~ Aub ~ Leave a comment

Considering Lucy turned 1 on Saturday I think it’s time I get around to finishing up her birth story 🙂

We left off here.

I remember thinking on the Tuesday prior to Thursday that the slight cramping I was feeling wasn’t all that bad and hey, if this is it then I could totally handle it. Ha. ha. ha. silly me. Thursday was full of pain, laughter, frustration, excitement, and more pain. Labor is no joke. To be honest I don’t remember a lot of what I was thinking during the whole thing, I just remember the intensity of it all. The intensity of each contraction, the intensity of my focus and determination, the intensity of my love for Geo (I felt so comforted to have him by my side), the intensity of my excitement to meet this little person — it all was just very intense. As the day drew on I then started to feel an intense desire to quit, like every woman in labor 🙂

Our midwife, Nicole, was fantastic through it all. It was such a long day, and as the hours went by I got more and more tired (at this point I was going on 48 hrs of no sleep), but Nicole helped keep us going and smiled through it all. I remember cracking jokes in between contractions and being open to anything that might help Lucy descend, which was becoming more and more of a problem as the day progressed.

Here are a couple of beauty shots.. #notmygreatestlook!

After a full day of hard labor 12:30 am on Friday morning rolled around and Nicole and her assistant came up to talk with Geo and I. Nicole was confident we could keep going, and we’d deliver a healthy baby but was also cautious of my exhaustion and honest about the fact that she wasn’t 100% certain why Lucy wasn’t descending more. It was likely she just needed more time but Nicole didn’t pretend to know more than she did and honestly, this is exactly what you want in a midwife – no heroes, just honesty. This slight question mark was enough for me to think it was time to transfer to the hospital. I was so tired and I thought by going to the hospital they could give me something for the pain and I could squeeze in a nap (ha, that was funny of me), but more than that I knew from the get-go if I ever questioned the safety of my baby while birthing at home I would transfer to the hospital. I didn’t think it would ever happen, but sure enough it did.

SO, off we went! Geo and me in one car, my mom (who was called to our house after we made the decision – she’d been staying at the local inn waiting for updates) and Nicole in her own car. We finally got there (I had contractions the whole way), and all I could think about was how lovely it’d be to get into bed and drift off to sleep. Well that didn’t happen because within 20 minutes of being there I was checked by their on-site midwife and sure enough Lucy was crowning… all she needed was that bumpy ride to the hospital!

30 minutes after that our baby was FINALLY here 🙂

And by 5 am she started meeting some of her biggest fans!

Our birth plan clearly didn’t go the way we’d hoped it would but we had a healthy baby girl and that’s all that matters. My prenatal care with Nicole at South Shore Midwifery was amazing, I honestly cannot say enough wonderful things about the care and support that Nicole provides. And everyone who cared for Lucy and I at the hospital was wonderful as well – we always felt like we were in good hands.

One thing I wish I could go back in time and change is… packing a hospital bag! haha Why oh why did I not do that?! I was so confident everything would go smoothly with the home birth that it didn’t dawn on me to be prepared, just in case. Because we were discharged the very next day (we requested this), no one had time to put together a bag for us, so I went home in Geo’s pajama pants and an oversized men’s button down shirt that my mom bought for me that day (pants and shirt were two VERY different patterns) and Lucy went home in a 0-3 month old onesie that her aunt kiki had bought for her as a gift THAT DAY. I had delicately washed all her new clothes so that nothing would irritate her newborn skin and then her very first full day of life she is put in a brand new, unwashed onesie. And I honestly didn’t really think twice about it… I blame the exhaustion 😀

IMG_1529

 

Dear Barcelona…

~ Aub ~ Leave a comment

we failed you.

It’s true, what I had imagined as being a beautiful and even relaxing trip ended up being a tiring, frustrating and at times surprising one.

Small glimpse of what just one part of our weekend looked like:

Saturday morning we sleep a little later than planned because, well, Lucy was still sleeping and who doesn’t go back to sleep on a weekend morning when the babe is asleep? That’s sacred time that does not come along all that often. When we do head out the door we (I) make the mistake of hopping on the first bus that shows up going in the direction of the city. “As long as its going towards the city, then it’s taking us closer to the Sagrada Familia.” **not my smartest moment. When we finally get off I suggest to Geo we just grab a cab because our tickets state our entry time is between 9:15 and 9:30. He assures me that this is just a “suggested” time and they’re probably not to stringent on it. **not his smartest moment.

Cut to us walking 1.5 miles to the basilica, only to get there and be told we weren’t allowed entry because we were 45 minutes past our entry time.

Enter annoyance and the beginning of whats to be a pretty long day.

Lucy wasn’t phased by her parent’s frustration, nope not one bit. Instead, she took in the sites like a boss. #HelloMyPeople

ewt_9063

And the weekend just continues in this fashion until we get home on Sunday night after multiple travel delays. Besides the issues we ran into while in Barcelona we did find area’s of the city that we really enjoyed. Such as the area in which our Airbnb was located, El Poblenou which is right across from the Mar Bella and Bogatell beaches; strolling down to the water was my favorite part of the weekend. And across from the water was a terrific little neighborhood – full of little shops, family friendly restaurants and some great people watching. This also happens to be where we lost Lucy’s favorite little bunny – #tear.

Lucy enjoying the Hop On Hop Off bus 🙂

ewt_9122

Oh my heart…

EWT_9214.JPG

And then there’s this… #alldaylong

ewt_9211

Thank you for having us, Barcelona!

Grateful: For a visit from George’s brother and sister-in-law! It was so so nice having them here the past few days 🙂

Our Day Date in London…

~ Aub ~ Leave a comment

was the perfect remedy for a couple who had barely seen each other in two weeks and were in need of some alone time to reconnect and just, have some fun!

Last Saturday, after taking a 7 hr long flight home with an 8 month old, Geo and I spent the morning sleeping, unpacking and eagerly awaiting the arrival of our babysitter, Jenny. I had made the decision earlier in the week that having Jenny come would be a nice way for us to rest, eat out, take a breather and I was right – it allowed us to do all of the above. We had Jenny for 4 hours and spent the first hour sleeping… pure bliss. We then headed out for a mini adventure.

First stop, a photo with my two new besties:

EWT_8826.JPG

Next we headed to London’s South Bank in search of a good place to eat. Along the way we couldn’t help but take a few pics like this one:

screen-shot-2016-10-28-at-10-11-18-pm

We then came across a restaurant called Bill’s, a small chain in London. It was cosy, warm and had a great menu. I ordered a Mint Iced Tea and had NO regrets (might have been the best part of the meal!). Here’s a peak of our visit there:

screen-shot-2016-10-28-at-10-18-48-pm

screen-shot-2016-10-28-at-10-19-02-pm

screen-shot-2016-10-28-at-10-19-16-pm

I got the veggie platter and between the falafel and spicy hummus I was in heaven.

After indulging in a late lunch we headed to the highlight of the day date, the Clink Prison Museum! Dun dun dunnnn. It was spooky, grotesque and basically everything you’d expect it to be. Next date we’re heading to the National Portrait Museum, probably a little more worthwhile :p

We made a couple friends though! (the sort of friends nightmares are made of… creepy.)

screen-shot-2016-10-28-at-10-28-42-pmscreen-shot-2016-10-28-at-10-28-49-pm

When we were finally done with the museum we headed back home feeling refreshed, reconnected and just excited to see Miss Lucy. But of course we had to stop to take in the Thames one more time. It’s amazing to me how busy it always it. I wouldn’t say it’s the most beautiful river I’ve ever seen but there’s something magical about all the commotion that seems to take place on it – always moving, always different, always with a backdrop of London. We will certainly miss it.

Geo asked me to pose, so naturally I gave the best Kardashian look I had… #Fail #HowDoIDoPoutyLips?

Screen Shot 2016-10-28 at 10.40.06 PM.png

Grateful: For this little pipsqueak who finds amusement, wonder and happiness in just about everything (especially my phone!). I hope she holds onto this for a long long time (the wonder, not my phone!).

Screen Shot 2016-10-28 at 10.42.59 PM.png

 

It’s Never Too Early…

Image ~ ~ Aub ~ Leave a comment

To drink coffee with Nana, or is it? 😂🙈


To share secrets with your bestie 👭


Or to fall asleep during a walk (seriously Lucy, it’s never too early for that ☺️)


Grateful: For taco salad. It’s healthy (well it’s got veggies), easy to make and pleases just about everyone! It’s clearly what we had for dinner tonight 🙂

How Cool Are We?

~ Aub ~ Leave a comment

We got this whole selfie thing DOWN.

Ha. Someday we’ll be cool. Someday.

DSC01892.JPG

Grateful: For the construction worker who saved the day! Lucy and I went to get coffee this morning only to realize we were locked in the apartment. The keys had been left in the door from the outside (oops!). Geo called down to the man who was on the street and voila, he came up and we were saved!! Phew, close call.

It’s hard

~ Aub ~ Leave a comment

It’s hard to stay annoyed with your husband when you’re in bed watching trashy tv, relaxing and you can hear him downstairs on a work call. Mind you, it’s 9:15 at night. It’s late, he’s tired, I’m tired – it’s been a long week.

After a long day of meetings and deadlines, I walked in at 8:30 to see turkey on the counter, dirty dishes in the sink and mail in need of being tossed. I saw that and then I saw my hubby sitting on the couch playing video games. Obviously my reaction was to stamp around the kitchen and make a point of cleaning everything up. Then stomped upstairs without saying anything.

To be honest I’m still annoyed. Haha what, is it too much to ask to put the turkey away when you’re done with it – especially when you know I’m exhausted and umm, 6 months pregnant?? 🙂

BUT I also realize how tired you are. How hard you work for our little family, and how I could have handled the situation differently.

It’s a good thing you’re so cute 🙂

Especially when you’re reading the newspaper before bed…

Screen Shot 2015-11-19 at 9.34.11 PM

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!

I wish

~ Aub ~ Leave a comment

I wish I could view the weekend as a time to relax and “chill,” as Geo would put it. I wish I could embrace it as a time to do things for myself, as my lovely husband recommended earlier today; in fact, to be specific, he said I should go get my nails done and act like a “normal” person. I scoffed and rolled my eyes while already hours into my project for the day: painting the trim in our stairwell/hallways.

But now, as I’m laying in bed and George is in downstairs playing video games, I’m contemplating whether or not I should work on some thank you notes and/or dig into filling out holiday cards. Yes, holiday cards… and it’s got me thinking – am I crazy? It’s 9:30 at night. I’ve baked muffins, cleaned outdoor furniture, helped Geo put that furniture away, made us lunch, worked on laundry, spent hours prepping and then painting trim (which always sucks), dabbled in sorting things out in the nursery, emptied the dishwasher, and if I thought about it I’m sure I could think of more. Yet, I’m in bed considering doing even more. And it’s Saturday.

Tomorrow I will take Geo’s advice and do my best to act like a “normal” person, but tonight I’ll work on those cards and maybe ever work on this week’s to-do list… I am who I am!! 🙂

What do your weekend’s look like? “Crazy” or “Normal”?