I Wish…

I could be having more fun right now. Geo and I are on vacation in California by ourselves for a WHOLE week. Yep, no Lucy. My wonderful MIL offered to watch Lucy so Geo and I could enjoy a week of travel without the hassles and inconveniences of toting a toddler around (something we did A LOT of while living in Europe last year). We both have been looking forward to this trip so much but now that we’re here there’s something that isn’t clicking fore me. I can’t seem to quite transition into vaca mode.

Without the distractions of life, (work, Lucy, family, etc) I keep thinking about our little one who isn’t with us anymore. At the risk of sounding callous, I wish I could just turn it off. The sadness of it is always right there. Right at the surface and the barrier, or thing that keeps me from crying all the time is the business of life and now that barrier isn’t there. Don’t get me wrong, we have seen so much the last couple days and have had a wonderful time with our hosts but the sight of a pregnant woman, a baby, yesterday being Sunday (the day we measured this last pregnancy with – I would have been 18 weeks), or when I’m not thinking of anything, I always seem to go back to the loss. It’s just always there and I’d really like to turn it off for the next 5 days.

So if you’ve had a similar loss, I’d really love to hear any tips you may have for a struggling mama like me.

Grateful: For having the opportunity to be here with Geo. I know so many couples in our shoes would love the ability to go away without the kiddo(s) for a week so I really do appreciate how thoughtful and giving our family members are.

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It’s 7:30 pm and I’m…

in bed, exactly where I want to be 😀

I love nights like these when we’ve eaten early, everything is cleaned up and Geo and I get to spend time together… real time, not just bleary eyed, half asleep time. He’s coming up to bed soon and we’re going to finish off the weekend watching 30 Rock, our new favorite show! So I don’t have too much time to chat about but I thought I’d share my phone pics from the weekend – there are some real winners!

Friday, when I was desperately trying to get some work done and Lucy was desperately trying to help…

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Lucy’s new favorite game at Nana and Da’s house is to race over to the stairs and climb them. She’s been hearing a lot of “No no, Lucy” 🙂

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Yep, that’s what happens when dirty hair has been in a bow all day!

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THIS is happening next weekend. I. Am. So. Excited. 🙂

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My mom and I went to the NICE – Natural Infant and Child Expo in Plymouth on Saturday and came across this vendor. YIKES. I sometimes drink those Vitamin Waters and was SHOCKED to see that many sugar cubes next to it. It really forces you to question what you’re putting in your mouth and/or feeding your kids.

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And this was me this morning trying to get ready for the day. Lucy insisted on doing each and every part of my morning routine WITH me. Yay. :I

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Grateful: For lots of time spent with family this weekend and a nice dinner with my parents and bestie! 🙂

Lucy’s Birth Story (Part 2)…

Considering Lucy turned 1 on Saturday I think it’s time I get around to finishing up her birth story 🙂

We left off here.

I remember thinking on the Tuesday prior to Thursday that the slight cramping I was feeling wasn’t all that bad and hey, if this is it then I could totally handle it. Ha. ha. ha. silly me. Thursday was full of pain, laughter, frustration, excitement, and more pain. Labor is no joke. To be honest I don’t remember a lot of what I was thinking during the whole thing, I just remember the intensity of it all. The intensity of each contraction, the intensity of my focus and determination, the intensity of my love for Geo (I felt so comforted to have him by my side), the intensity of my excitement to meet this little person — it all was just very intense. As the day drew on I then started to feel an intense desire to quit, like every woman in labor 🙂

Our midwife, Nicole, was fantastic through it all. It was such a long day, and as the hours went by I got more and more tired (at this point I was going on 48 hrs of no sleep), but Nicole helped keep us going and smiled through it all. I remember cracking jokes in between contractions and being open to anything that might help Lucy descend, which was becoming more and more of a problem as the day progressed.

Here are a couple of beauty shots.. #notmygreatestlook!

After a full day of hard labor 12:30 am on Friday morning rolled around and Nicole and her assistant came up to talk with Geo and I. Nicole was confident we could keep going, and we’d deliver a healthy baby but was also cautious of my exhaustion and honest about the fact that she wasn’t 100% certain why Lucy wasn’t descending more. It was likely she just needed more time but Nicole didn’t pretend to know more than she did and honestly, this is exactly what you want in a midwife – no heroes, just honesty. This slight question mark was enough for me to think it was time to transfer to the hospital. I was so tired and I thought by going to the hospital they could give me something for the pain and I could squeeze in a nap (ha, that was funny of me), but more than that I knew from the get-go if I ever questioned the safety of my baby while birthing at home I would transfer to the hospital. I didn’t think it would ever happen, but sure enough it did.

SO, off we went! Geo and me in one car, my mom (who was called to our house after we made the decision – she’d been staying at the local inn waiting for updates) and Nicole in her own car. We finally got there (I had contractions the whole way), and all I could think about was how lovely it’d be to get into bed and drift off to sleep. Well that didn’t happen because within 20 minutes of being there I was checked by their on-site midwife and sure enough Lucy was crowning… all she needed was that bumpy ride to the hospital!

30 minutes after that our baby was FINALLY here 🙂

And by 5 am she started meeting some of her biggest fans!

Our birth plan clearly didn’t go the way we’d hoped it would but we had a healthy baby girl and that’s all that matters. My prenatal care with Nicole at South Shore Midwifery was amazing, I honestly cannot say enough wonderful things about the care and support that Nicole provides. And everyone who cared for Lucy and I at the hospital was wonderful as well – we always felt like we were in good hands.

One thing I wish I could go back in time and change is… packing a hospital bag! haha Why oh why did I not do that?! I was so confident everything would go smoothly with the home birth that it didn’t dawn on me to be prepared, just in case. Because we were discharged the very next day (we requested this), no one had time to put together a bag for us, so I went home in Geo’s pajama pants and an oversized men’s button down shirt that my mom bought for me that day (pants and shirt were two VERY different patterns) and Lucy went home in a 0-3 month old onesie that her aunt kiki had bought for her as a gift THAT DAY. I had delicately washed all her new clothes so that nothing would irritate her newborn skin and then her very first full day of life she is put in a brand new, unwashed onesie. And I honestly didn’t really think twice about it… I blame the exhaustion 😀

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Why Is It That…

everything can be thrown to complete shit but as long as I’ve done a load of laundry I feel like I’ve had a successful day?

There is literally no better feeling than putting a load of laundry into the washer… pure happiness.

And yes, this is truly what my hair has looked like all afternoon. Thank god for my non-judging neighbor and for a daughter who’s not old enough to roll her eyes at me (yet!).

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One other thing I need to make note of is… George is watching The Bachelor with me! Yep. It’s happening and it totally made my day (that and getting some laundry done :p). Today was a busy, tiring and stressful day for me but it was really nice to end it watching stupid tv with Geo and being silly – I’m thinking we need more of these nights!

Grateful for: A quiet and sweet moment with Lucy this morning. Early day snuggles are the best!

A Quick Thank You To…

my husband.

Geo, as we approach the one-year mark of parenthood I just want to say a few things. So here goes…

Thanks for making Lucy’s birth fun… well, as fun as giving birth can actually be. Besides the pain and exhaustion of it all I also remember there being lots of laughs which I definitely attribute to you (and our midwife!) 🙂

Thanks for all the unnecessary but delicious treats you bring home to me. Thanks so much for this… but can you stop because I really need to lose a few 😀 Really.

Thanks for changing Lucy’s first dirty diaper. It showed me you were ready to dive right in, and you really did.

Thanks for putting up with my postpartum emotions… those were rough :I

Thanks for giving us the opportunity to live abroad – such an amazing adventure for our family!

Thanks for making really good coffee. I may not ever drink my full cup but I love having it to reheat throughout the day 😉

Thanks for putting the toilet seat down… Okay maybe you got into the bad habit of not doing this recently but something tells me you’re going to start doing it again like, yesterday. Right? Yes. You are 😀

Thanks for being such a good gift-giver. Fo realz. I’m sorry for not being such a good one… eeks.

Thanks for being cool with my parents moving into a house three streets away from us. Because I understand that’s close, really close. But they’re awesome and I know it’ll be fun for us to live so close but at the end of the day I do realize it’s close… really close! Haha

Thanks for dealing with my complaining lately. Last week was a doozy and I felt super anxious about things not being unpacked and us not being settled in yet. You took it like a champ and didn’t get too annoyed with me (right? Lol).

Thanks for being such a good dad to Lucy. She’s already learning so much for you, and I can’t wait to see what your relationship with her will turn into as she gets older.

Thanks for always seeing the best in us and staying optimistic when I’m so quick to quit or be negative.

Go us 🙂

Grateful for: Geo’s sense of style… this little outfit made both Lucy and I laugh!

“She needed layers to stay warm” – Geo

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What A Whirlwind…

these last few weeks have been! We successfully (thank goodness) traveled to Norway (amazing), packed up ALL our stuff in London (a miracle) and traveled home to Scituate, MA last week (can’t believe it).

It has been a really crazy time for the three of us but we’re very happy to be back in our little home and near friends and family. Unfortunately, Lucy and I have been taking turns giving one another snotty colds but I’m hoping that with a decrease in public transport and travel we’ll be able to recover and get healthy again. City living was so much fun but it takes a toll on your immune system!

Between the packing, the sickness and just getting acclimated to  being home I haven’t had a chance to blog in a while but there are a few things that I am hoping to post about this week – one being our trip to Norway, which was really spectacular.

For now I’ll just say our time in London was really wonderful. I’m so fortunate to have a husband who’s up for an adventure and 100% embraced it 🙂 Here are some of my most memorable times from our experience there:

  1. Our first full day there we walked the South Bank and fell in love with all the commotion that city living has to offer. This then became one of our go-to walks for any of our visitors.
  2. A hot summer Friday spent walking through Regents Park with Lucy. We walked through Primrose Hill, the park and then through Covent Garden all the way home and it was perfection. I felt good, Lucy loved it and it was that day I started to understand my way around the city – I felt pretty darn accomplished.
  3. Our first time eating Indian in London! I made reservations at Chutney Mary for Geo’s birthday and after that meal was when we started our love affair with Indian food 🙂 It was our first date night out since being in the city and everything about the night was romantic and fun.
  4. Our adventure to Scotland! Out of the 5 countries we visited while in England, Scotland was one of my top 2. We stayed in Edinburgh and then rented a car and headed up the coast to St. Andrews for a couple nights. There were so many moments during that ride that Geo and I looked at each other and were like “is this real life?” haha It’s also where I found out I was pregnant for a second time, which unfortunately resulted in a miscarriage but I don’t want to leave that moment out because it mattered and added a lot of happiness to a really wonderful weekend in a really beautiful place.
  5. Our day-date 🙂 Our babysitter watched Lucy for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon and it was so nice to be out and about together during the day, without a baby :p
  6. All our visits from loved ones. It would not have been nearly as enjoyable an experience if we hadn’t had visits from geo’s parents, my sister, geo’s brother and wife and my brother and his wife. We had so much fun with everyone 🙂

Oh gosh, I could honestly go on and on (and maybe I will in the next post!) but I’ll leave it at that for now. It was an experience of a lifetime, we both hope we’re given the opportunity again.

Off to go get little Lucy from Grandma’s house and then work on dinner, fun fun!

Grateful for: This moment. I’m on the ferry, heading home from Boston and enjoying the short amount of time I have to write this post. It’s been a while since I’ve visited this little blog and I’m grateful to have had the time to get my thoughts out 🙂

Dear Barcelona…

we failed you.

It’s true, what I had imagined as being a beautiful and even relaxing trip ended up being a tiring, frustrating and at times surprising one.

Small glimpse of what just one part of our weekend looked like:

Saturday morning we sleep a little later than planned because, well, Lucy was still sleeping and who doesn’t go back to sleep on a weekend morning when the babe is asleep? That’s sacred time that does not come along all that often. When we do head out the door we (I) make the mistake of hopping on the first bus that shows up going in the direction of the city. “As long as its going towards the city, then it’s taking us closer to the Sagrada Familia.” **not my smartest moment. When we finally get off I suggest to Geo we just grab a cab because our tickets state our entry time is between 9:15 and 9:30. He assures me that this is just a “suggested” time and they’re probably not to stringent on it. **not his smartest moment.

Cut to us walking 1.5 miles to the basilica, only to get there and be told we weren’t allowed entry because we were 45 minutes past our entry time.

Enter annoyance and the beginning of whats to be a pretty long day.

Lucy wasn’t phased by her parent’s frustration, nope not one bit. Instead, she took in the sites like a boss. #HelloMyPeople

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And the weekend just continues in this fashion until we get home on Sunday night after multiple travel delays. Besides the issues we ran into while in Barcelona we did find area’s of the city that we really enjoyed. Such as the area in which our Airbnb was located, El Poblenou which is right across from the Mar Bella and Bogatell beaches; strolling down to the water was my favorite part of the weekend. And across from the water was a terrific little neighborhood – full of little shops, family friendly restaurants and some great people watching. This also happens to be where we lost Lucy’s favorite little bunny – #tear.

Lucy enjoying the Hop On Hop Off bus 🙂

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Oh my heart…

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And then there’s this… #alldaylong

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Thank you for having us, Barcelona!

Grateful: For a visit from George’s brother and sister-in-law! It was so so nice having them here the past few days 🙂