It is going so…

fast! Time is flying these days and I’ve been wanting to take a minute (for weeks now) to just write down some of my favorite things lately πŸ™‚

So here goes…

  • Today Geo was holding Lucy at my mom’s, she squeezed him tight and said “You’re the best Daddy,” it was the sweetest moment, one in which Geo obviously melted.
  • More Lucy things…
    • After successfully reaching for her lovey in the car she said “I so proud of me”
    • “Bye new house!” “Bye bank!” “Bye post office!” and so on – it’s the cutest.
    • “How are you Mumma?”
    • “I love school SOOOOO MUCCH” “I love my paci SOOOOO MUCH”
    • “I gonna dream of butterflies”
  • Grace is beyond adorable. She’s 7 months this week she’s just perfection. The smiles are nonstop. And her new favorite thing is feeding herself.

Life is so good these days. Geo and I are exhausted, miss our time alone and can’t wait to have a night in November where “Ganna” is going to take the girls but we are honestly just soaking in this time as a family. And maybe starting to think about expanding it… πŸ˜‰

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In Case I Question…

whether or not I truly felt in the moment with Lucy as a toddler, I’m creating this post to reassure myself that yes, yes I really did.

I can imagine myself 1, 10, 20 years from now wondering and probably assuming that I didn’t but this post will pose as proof that I took the time to slow down and love my life with Lucy. Right now I feel the urge to constantly be on the move, and feel the tug of work responsibilities often calling my name, but there are so many moments when I remind myself that this time isn’t going to last. Those giggles won’t always be so soft. That ponytail won’t always be so short. That wonder won’t always be so bright. Those hugs won’t always be given so freely. Those boo-boos won’t always come my way for kissing. Those tears won’t always be brought to me to wipe away. This little one won’t always be so little.

I do take the time to smell in her hair while she’s sitting on my lap. To hold her little hands when she’s willing. To enjoy watching her play by herself or with her loved ones. To think about how amazing her laugh is. To love her feisty, independent attitude. To watch her give hugs and snuggle with her grandparents and aunts/uncles. To listen to her daddy play the guitar and watch her love every moment of it.

Life is busy, and its how I think I’d prefer it to be but I know someday I’ll need to know that yes, I did enjoy all those “little moments” and no, I shouldn’t have any regrets.

Losing A Baby…

sucks. But wanna know what makes it even worse? Being the parents who made the decision to “lose” that baby. After having a miscarriage at 6 weeks (this past fall), the last thing I thought I’d ever wish for was another one. But sure enough I found myself hoping our baby would pass away inside of me, in the most natural way possible. From that Monday (when we found out) to Thursday (when I had the procedure) every time I felt a cramp or something a little “off” I prayed it was nature taking its course, and some higher power preventing me from ending our little one’s life. How insane does that sound?

Between my hormones and grief, it’s been a difficult week. These are the things that seem to make me most sad:

  • The fact that I chose not to hold our baby. I asked the nurse (who was incredibly sincere and kind during this process) to make that decision for me. In the end she said it was best that I didn’t but now I wish I had. I think our baby deserved that.
  • The fact that I held a newborn yesterday and instead of being thrilled for my sweet friends, I felt sad for my own loss.
  • The fact that a future pregnancy will be met with excitement but also fear.
  • The fact that our baby’s ashes are in our bedroom… and I’m not sure what to do with them. Originally I wanted to bury them under a tree in our yard but now I can’t seem to part with the little box. Certainly a “problem” I didn’t think I’d ever be dealing with.
  • The fact that being at my in-laws house seems to be a trigger for me. We spent the majority of our time there when finding out about the baby and dealing with the appointments and logistics of it all. My MIL was watching Lucy because my parents were at a family member’s funeral. So now each time I’ve walked into their house since then I start to feel myself getting emotional.
  • The fact that I didn’t mourn my sweet cousin who passed the week prior because, for me, it was overshadowed by my own baby’s passing.
  • The fact that I would be 16 weeks pregnant now if we’d chosen to keep the pregnancy going.
  • The fact that I ended our little one’s life. Yes, I did it because the outcome would have been the same and no doctor could tell me with 100% certainty that this baby wouldn’t have felt pain and/or discomfort for the remainder of the pregnancy (I couldn’t live knowing he/she could have been in pain), but at the end of the day I still ended it. That’s something I have to live with and yikes, it’s not an easy pill to swallow, nor should it be.

We made the only decision we felt we had, but it was still a very, very shitty one. Hoping it all gets a little easier to cope with sooner than later.

Grateful: For Lucy’s adorable waddle/walk. I honestly feel like I could just stare at her for days.

It’s 7:30 pm and I’m…

in bed, exactly where I want to be πŸ˜€

I love nights like these when we’ve eaten early, everything is cleaned up and Geo and I get to spend time together… real time, not just bleary eyed, half asleep time. He’s coming up to bed soon and we’re going to finish off the weekend watching 30 Rock, our new favorite show! So I don’t have too much time to chat about but I thought I’d share my phone pics from the weekend – there are some real winners!

Friday, when I was desperately trying to get some work done and Lucy was desperately trying to help…

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Lucy’s new favorite game at Nana and Da’s house is to race over to the stairs and climb them. She’s been hearing a lot of “No no, Lucy” πŸ™‚

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Yep, that’s what happens when dirty hair has been in a bow all day!

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THIS is happening next weekend. I. Am. So. Excited. πŸ™‚

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My mom and I went to the NICE – Natural Infant and Child Expo in Plymouth on Saturday and came across this vendor. YIKES. I sometimes drink those Vitamin Waters and was SHOCKED to see that many sugar cubes next to it. It really forces you to question what you’re putting in your mouth and/or feeding your kids.

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And this was me this morning trying to get ready for the day. Lucy insisted on doing each and every part of my morning routine WITH me. Yay. :I

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Grateful: For lots of time spent with family this weekend and a nice dinner with my parents and bestie! πŸ™‚

Finally Getting Around…

to posting about our trip to Norway, my favorite of all our European getaways this past fall. It was our last trip before we headed home to the states and it was the perfect way to end our European adventure. After a few not-so-smooth getaways, we were thrilled to finally experience an almost hiccup-free weekend!

We flew out of London (I think it was Gatwick airport?) on Friday morning and arrived early afternoon; giving us plenty of time to find our Airbnb and explore the wonderful coastal city of Bergen. Whenever anyone asks how our trip to Norway was I start out by saying, “as soon as we started to descend and saw the scattering of quaint islands, we both knew we were going to love Norway” and it’s true – we really did!

It was foggy and drizzly as we cabbed it to our apartment for the weekend, but it didn’t hide the beauty of the landscape. Our cab driver went on and on about how this time of year was REALLY not a good time to travel to the country because of the weather, to the point where Geo and I were exchanging looks, saying to ourselves “dude, we get it but we’re here and there’s no going back… its our SECOND time buying flights to Bergen!” (yes, the first time we tried to go we missed our flight – #travelfail). Even with him being somewhat negative we were looking out our windows already so excited with what we were seeing.

Our Airbnb was perfectly cozy and centrally located. Once we got settled we bundled Lucy up and headed out to explore.

After an afternoon out and about we went back to the apartment and tried to get to bed early to prepare for Saturday’s Norway in A Nutshell adventure! (Note: that night was not so great, Lucy was fussy and sick meaning Geo and I maybe got a whole of 4 hours of sleep? It wasn’t pretty.).

Our tour started at 8 am so we were up and out of the apartment by 7:15 am to give us plenty of time to get to the train, the first leg of the trip. We were tired but also in awe of what we were seeing. The fog was heavy in some areas but parting in others and everywhere we looked, from the land to the water was just beautiful. The scenery is very drastic, going from serene and flat to mountainous and rocky, quickly and seamlessly. Geo and I kept looking from left and right on the train – we didn’t know which side to sit on because there was so much to see on both! Once we were off the train we hopped on a bus, which took us to the boat that cruised through theΒ Aurlandsfjord fjord πŸ™‚

I’ll say this, throughout the entire day we kept pinching ourselves saying “is this real?!” because it just felt that majestic, and I’ve been lucky enough to do quite a bit of traveling, BUT by the time we were half way through the cruise I was getting pretty tired… I may have closed my eyes for a few minutes! The reality of traveling with a baby is it’s freaking exhausting and both Geo and I were feeling the affects.

Once off the boat, and yes, the fjord was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before, the one word that comes to mind is peaceful. The experience was quiet, serene and very calming – which may have had something to do with my sleepiness!

We got off the boat in Flam which is where we then got onto the Flam railroad, another wonderfully scenic route that started our journey back to Bergen. And yep, once in Flam we all of a sudden felt like we were in the Arctic! Snow covered peaks everywhere we looked.

We got back to Bergen a little after 6 pm that night… Β nearly 12 hours out and about with a 8 month old – I’d be lying if I said we weren’t thrilled to get home and put her to bed. But we also looked back on the day and thought “wow, that was amazing.” We both realized that day tours like that are tiring but they are the best way travel when you’re visiting someplace for a short amount of time. Too often we spent our weekend trips walking from place to place wondering what we should do next. Never. again. lol

The next morning, we strolled through the very quiet city (hardly anything was open at 8 am and the streets were empty. haha clearly not a lot of young families living in Bergen!). We found a statue of Haakon IV, a Norwegian King who my great-grandfather was named after. So, obviously we had to snag a photo of me with it πŸ™‚

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There is something about this country that everyone should experience, its hard to explain but its there and I promise, you won’t regret it. Geo and I plan on going back someday and can’t wait to explore it more πŸ™‚

Some Things That Aren’t…

perfect.

  1. The way the Patriots are currently playing in the Superbowl right now… I decided to make a run for it in the 4th quarter :/ Hiding out in our bedroom and avoiding a very frustrated husband. Maybe by the time I publish this post things will have turned around…
  2. The way I look/feel in my clothes right now. I’m a solid 5 pounds overweight, and another 5 pounds heavier than I’d ideally like to be… so yea, in total I’ve got 10 pounds to lose and not a whole lot of self motivation to do that.
  3. My current work/life balance. These last couple months have been rough and although I’m grateful that my company is doing well, I’m also always nervous about losing a client, losing track of something project related and/or losing my mind along the way πŸ™‚ This working mom thing is not easy, and some days are definitely better than others.
  4. Finding time to do the things I want to do is not an easy endeavor. When I do have a moment to myself most of me wants to take the time to get stuff done (bills, cooking, cleaning, etc.) or hop on the couch and just sink in. So all those little side projects I’ve been meaning to do, magazines I’ve been wanting to read or friends I’ve been wanting to catch up with get pushed to the wayside.
  5. My mom and wife skills… not always perfect. Whoops! Sometimes I fail, like today when I didn’t notice right away that my 11 months old was sucking on RAW cookie dough while in her carseat. #momfail Or the other day when I was looking forward to Geo’s arrival all day and then immediately snapped at him over something stupid. #wifefail

Some Things That Are…

perfect.

  1. Lucy and her love for her LOVEY. It is the most adorable thing and totally melts my heart when she snuggles into it and loves it πŸ™‚
  2. Having my parents living just a few streets away, and my in-laws just a town away. Their support, love and thoughtfulness is such a blessing and I’m truly grateful for it every day.
  3. My bed. It really is my happy place.
  4. Our road trips! When Geo and I are stuck in the car together for hours on end, it always ends up being fun and great time for us to reconnect/be reminded that yes, we’ve got a lot going on but our relationship is priority.
  5. Having food prepped for the week. This is a perfect feeling for me πŸ™‚ #happiness

Life is not perfect but there are parts that surely are!

Grateful: For bad, mindless mystery books. Especially Harlan Coben ones… its a good way to end a long day πŸ™‚

Lucy’s Birth Story (Part 1)…

is finally here!

I have been meaning and wanting to write this post for quite a while but finding the time I know it deserves is a bit tricky these days! So it’s 8:30 on a Sunday night, Geo is downstairs strummin’ away on his guitar, Lucy is sleeping and I’m in bed with some HGTV playing in the background – I’m feeling like this is as good a time as ever to write this down.

Lucy’s due date was March 3rd, 2016 and I just knew she wouldn’t make her appearance until after that (mama’s intuition kicked in a littler early, I guess). I had wrapped up most work items by then but had a few things left on my to-do list including renewing my license which I did one day before I went into labor (jeesh do I regret doing that — my face in my license pic is swollen like woah!). And the nursery was ready and welcoming πŸ™‚

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On Wednesday March 9th I woke up around 4 am with some cramping and thought “I know it’s going to get worse than this BUT what if it doesn’t?! I could totally handle this.” ha ha ha. I crept downstairs and knowing it was the beginning, decided to embrace the peace and quiet and watched the chick flick, Serendipity. Geo woke up a few hours later and we called my midwife to let her know we thought this was it. She told us to start timing the contractions and that’s when we realized we were probably still a ways away from delivering little lucy :p

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We spent the day relaxing (as much as I could anyways) and tried to keep ourselves busy. We went to the driving range where geo hit a bucket of balls, we visited Geo’s mom and took in the beautiful and unseasonably warm winter day. We called my mom and she made her way to the Scituate Harbor Inn, a small hotel just a few streets down from our home. By the time we got home my mom was there, making us dinner πŸ™‚ I remember wanting to eat but really having no appetite (something I wasn’t expecting would happen). I then showered, got comfy and sat on the floor so my mom could braid my hair, which is something she hadn’t done in a very long time – it was perfect. Geo got us some ice cream and I decided it was time to get into bed and get some sleep.

Well, this is a story about labor so it shouldn’t be surprising when I say that I did not get any sleep. EEKs. Labor started to really progress that Wednesday night and by 4 am on Thursday morning I was in active labor. Our amazing midwife from South Shore Midwifery, Nicole, came and checked me and I was about 3 cm dilated. I remember thinking I should have been much farther along and was feeling a little disappointed. Nicole headed home to pack up her stuff and George and I just started to ride it out and realized things would get much more intense before we got to hold our babe πŸ™‚

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Grateful for: A snowy weekend in Scituate! We had lots of plans that we unfortunately had to cancel but it was kind of nice to stay in, do some cooking, catch up on house stuff AND work on my blog πŸ™‚